Misgivings
by Bakurama
Summary: Kurama finally agrees to go on a date due to his mother's pleading. He has no intention of romanticism, though the events leave him puzzled.


**A/N**: So I wrote this at like, 6am after being up for 21 hours. I hope it makes sense. I wanted to explore a seldom talked about topic: What is Kurama going to do when his mother pressures him to date/get married/make some foxy babies?

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In the dimly lit dining area, pressed as a romantic setting, I sat straight-backed and aplomb, securing that I was giving off an air of comfort and ease to the girl—ah, woman—across from me. She was smiling, though it appeared more plastered on at this point. I wondered for a moment if the facade of honest interest in her had broken through. That my valiant efforts to please my mother by going on a date with a woman had fallen through the cracks, briefly catching on pegs of curiosity, then falling forthright to the bottom of the pit.

She was a beautiful woman, I would admit that. She had a soft, gentle face that held almond-shaped chocolate eyes and a down-turned nose. Her sable hair was tied back in lavish ringlets, and I briefly wondered what she would look like with her hair down.

Her personality was, all in all, polite and ladylike with a hint of adventure. She was a charming, young thing. (Far too young for me, I think. I am, after all, 3000 years old.) With vaguely outlined goals and an extensive vocabulary. Her fingers were delicate as she spoke with her smooth hands, explaining the theories of Dōgen and the school of Zen with excessive vigour. Intelligent, I noted. Very intelligent. Had I truly been human, I might have pursued her in hopes to win her heart.

She would laugh in a reserved manner at quick sarcastic comments I would make, humouring her with banter of Voltaire and Simmel. At this point, I was not surprised that she could rehearse doctrines of similar Philosophers back at me with great haste. It was delightful, really. She seemed to brighten the room with her cupid's bow smile, littered with a few crooked teeth. It fit her, really.

Mother had picked incredibly well. I concluded this as the graceful woman across from me excused herself for the moment; eyes alight with wary excitement, in a hurry to be back but not too urgent. It was a shame, truly. As I watched her retreating form, my heart ached for this life to be all too true. That I could marry a woman such as Maiko, placid outer shell that appeared innocuous, yet carried such a wise and vibrant mind that I could not help but admire her. It would have been sensible to any woman-inclined man to court her immediately, to settle down and plan a life together. She had the ability to make you imagine such a life. More so, I regretted that I had to lie through my teeth to my mother—once again. It was not as if I hadn't been lying to her already. No, on the contrary, many things she has been told were lies. _Are_ lies. With a clenched jaw and ever relaxed tongue, I would tell her a dull tale of the lack of interest in Maiko, when in reality, I was very interested. However, I had to curb these sentiments immediately. Maiko was a human. I could not involve any more than I already had, especially considering the circumstances—I did not intend to stay in the human world. It was an endearing realm, with no doubt. It had become my second home, filled with memories of sweet Sakura and palatable tea that stuck to my tongue for hours afterwards. The times of feeling the mud and grass wiggle between my toes as I feigned childhood ignorance. Even the small things had changed me in a significant way. Being a child again, being cared for, being loved—sensations I had grown accustomed to spitting and hissing towards as fox demon.

Despite these amiable trinkets, their warm, welcoming nature could not quell the lust for being untouchably wild. Though violence had downsized in meaning for me, the torrent waves crashed over my senses day by day, alerting me of what I was, no matter how much I tried to snuggle in within the humans. In summary, I missed my true home. The tang of lightening on one's tongue held itself much higher on the pedestal to the balmy Ningen air, fragrant with the scent of acquiesces—a broken down will of sorts. I missed the mercilessness of it all, and desired to abscond into cool blackness that made obvious when angels were no different from demons. We were all beautiful, superlative scum.

I was shaken from my thoughts as my slight blind date took her seat once more. This time, however, a dubious expression had seemed to shadow her face. I beckoned to her, concerned.

"Is everything alright, Miss Nakamura?"I asked.

She fidgeted with her cloth napkin, rearranging it just so as though it calmed her. After a few moments, she answered tentatively:

"Maiko, please," She began with a nervous smile, "I was . . . wondering about something. It might sound strange."

I nodded.

"Well, I get the feeling that, while you—ah, how to word this? While you may find me appealing, you are extremely hesitant, and I am most assured that I will not be seeing much of you again." The words came out in a rush, but I heard everything clearly. She was perceptive. I had underestimated her again.

However, I could not bring myself to lie to such a honest soul. I owed her some sort of explanation.

"To be fair, Maiko, I had no intention of pursuing you romantically. It's my turn to sound strange now, but while you are, in every sense of the word, remarkable, it would not matter who I had been set up with tonight. I'm doing this for my mother, for my own reasons within that even." I finished, taking a sip of water and eying her carefully. I knew it an unfortunate truth, but I did not wish to upset her completely. She didn't deserve it.

Maiko chewed her lip, looked at me, then looked down at her lap. She snorted airily, peeking back up through her thick, black lashes and smirking.

"You're not gay, are you?"

A smile struck my face, and again, I answered with as much honesty as possible. "No, not really. Though I do have a taste for men, it is equivalent to my taste in women. You're lovely, believe me. It's nothing like that. If circumstances were perhaps different for me, I would pursue you."

She seemed to accept this, and I internally thanked her for not prying. Though I feared I had said far too much, she was judicious enough not to cross necessary personal boundaries. Tilting her head to the side, she studied my face. For a moment, I feared she completely saw through my disguise, but I quickly dismissed the absurdity of it. She couldn't.

"You're not a normal man, are you, Shuichi Minamino?"

I blanched, recovered, and took the comment as casually as possible. I had faltered with her again.

"Personally, Miss Maiko, I do not know what consequence 'normal' holds on men these days." I chuckled, raising the glass to my lips again.

"You're probably right." She sighed. "Thank you for being honest as you could be. It's rare to find someone like that. Well, around here, anyway."

I almost laughed aloud sardonically at that statement, but held the urge within my sternum, opting to tilt my head in agreement instead.

As the night came to a close, we split the bill, and I drove her home without protest. It was rather early when we arrived at her apartment, though I think it was intended that the date would last much longer than it had. Maiko was silent during the ride, and a pinch of guilt ran its course in the pathways of my mind. She was hurt, I knew, but I would remember her, and she might remember me. Whether or not that was the rational thing to do, I did not know. Most likely not.

When I walked her to her door, she pressed her lips to mine, claiming it was a 'thank-you' kiss for being a gentleman to her, and that she hoped someday I would overcome the deep guilt that was buried within my heart from past scars. She turned and promptly exited my line of vision with a soft 'click' of the door.

Perhaps I was not a good liar after all.

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**A/N:** Thanks so much for reading! Please review if you liked it.


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